Withering Where You Are Planted & What To Do About It

I do not like flowery, simplistic sentiments.
They do not inspire me.  I did not wake up this morning ready to dance like no one is watching.

Instead, I woke up this morning in my house which is a great house - I mean, seriously great - that just so happens to be in an area that does absolutely nothing for my soul.

In other words, I do not like where we live*.

A lot of the time, if you are going through something that is weighing on you, it is good to talk it out with people so that they can maybe help your perspective or even commiserate, which is nice because it helps to know that other people have gone through what you're dealing with.
So I did that.
I started talking about my significant depression unhappiness about having a great house in a not great place.  As a rule I almost never talk (writing about them to complete strangers is a different story) about my issues, at least not in depth ...preferring instead to deal with it all myself and to avoid the type of thing that actually happened when I opened up about my great house/bad location situation.

I should have known better.  I actually did know better.  But I talked anyway.


And to my great dismay got the dreaded "bloom where you're planted" platitude thrown at me.  By more than one person.

(I have to add that I also Googled things like "hating where you live" to try and find some intelligent insight, only to find endless search results for - you guessed it - blooming where you're planted.)

It kinda made me want to punch them kinda hard.
And then punch my self really hard for knowing people who use/default to platitudes.

Getting that response from people made me really sad.  For one, I prefer talking to people who aren't trite and/or lacking in depth.  For two, getting that cliched  response compounded the ever-present sadness I'm already battling which is partially caused by living in a place I don't like.

Bloom where you're planted is such a stupid thing to tell someone.  I might be crazy (ok, Captain Obvious), but it seems to me that the average person can sort of figure out for themselves that they should try to find some things to like about the place that they live.  I would imagine that they've made solid attempts to embrace their environment and when they failed to come up with enough stuff to outweigh the negatives, figured out all on their own that they just don't like where they're at.

We can all easily think of plenty of actual locations and circumstances where one would have a pretty difficult time blooming where they are planted.

Maybe you like where you live.  Maybe there's stuff to do...places to shop that aren't Walmart...good restaurants and take out...areas where you can take a walk or walk your dog or ride a bike or climb a mountain...signs of life instead of people who seem to never leave their houses...or whatever it is that makes you like or love where you find yourself...planted.

Now let's pretend you got ripped away from all those things that make your life happily livable.
And here comes some dolt - albeit a well meaning one - telling you to bloom where you are planted.
You've got to ignore them.  You've got to bless their hearts and then change the subject quickly or exit stage right...and think long and hard before opening up to them in the future.  Choose your team wisely.

And then the next thing you have to do is figure out how to get unstuck.  I'm writing this in the context of being stuck in a bad neighborhood/town/state/country but really it applies to a myriad of things.  Bad job, relationship, whatever it is that is making your heart heavy.  I mean, no one in their right mind would tell you to bloom where you are planted if you're planted in a bad relationship with a jerk, right?

What I am telling myself - and you - as I am laying in bed feeling sorry for myself for too many days is that you have to climb up out of that pit of despair even if you can muster only enough strength to get your head up out of it to stop yourself from feeling like you're drowning.  As someone who deal with depression and anxiety, I have street cred here.

There are ways, there are always ways.  You might not be able to make the change today or next week and it might take a whole lot longer than you want it to, but nothing is forever and that should be your mantra.

Nothing is forever.  Say it out loud even if you're reading this in some public place right now.  The people around you might need to hear it, too:  nothing is forever.

Sure, time's a wasting and none of us are getting any younger and damn if that clock doesn't tick awfully fast when your life kinda sucks and you feel a little bit like you're drowning and getting older at the same time.

Maybe your life circumstances do suck right now but I want to assure that your life does not.  Don't confuse the two if you can help it.  But if those lines are blurred for you right now and you're caught up real deep in despair, do not compound that by feeling guilty for what you are feeling.

Never ever ever feel guilty for what you're feeling.  Those feelings are there for a reason and most of the time they're there to protect you and help you figure out what's wrong and what you do want.  Yes, even the bad feelings.  Understand something: if not for the bad stuff you could never ever appreciate the good stuff.  Nothing profound there except that it's the real truth.  It's all about contrast and I am wildly passionate about that topic but I will save it for another future screed.

If you can do nothing else right now - and it's really really okay if you can't because you need to be nice and forgiving to yourself - make a list of stuff you're grateful for.  I do absolutely think that being grateful that you're warm right now and have a roof over your head are two good and solid things to write down even if that's all you can muster.

It's a starting point, a step forward toward getting unstuck.



  *(Do not like = sucks the life out of me.
There are many reasons I don't like where I live but that's not relevant to this post so I'm not going to delve into them.  I'm sure those reasons will reveal themselves in some future diatribe of mine.)