The other day JP and I were returning home from a Craigslist excursion*. As we approached our house we saw a woman with some kids and a dog stop in front of our house to let us pass by. She had no way of knowing that we were not going to pass her but instead were going to back into our driveway which was maybe 20 feet from where she had stopped to wait.
As we were backing in I waved to her. We're new here in this close-knit neighborhood that we've only lived in for 3 months and of course we're wanting to be nice and know our neighbors. We wave and say hello to everyone, we are neighborly like that. "Hi neighbor, nice to meet you, come by for a glass of wine or a swim in our pool when the weather gets nice!" That's us.
So she is kind of fussing with the dog or the kids but is looking up toward us. I wave, she sees me waves and she clearly ignores me. No smile, no nod, no mouthing a hello. Nada.
What the hell, right?
I don't do well with being ignored particularly when I am being friendly and/or it is blatant so of course I wait until I catch her eye again and wave one more time. Because I'm
bitchy friendly like that.
Now she's caught and she knows it so does this really curt wave while doing that thing people do when someone keeps doing something and you're like "yes, okay, I see you, okay?". You know, that sort of annoyed thing complete with the roll of the eyes.
via GIPHYI have annoyed her with my insistence on being friendly.
I'll just let that sink in for a minute.
Afterward I am annoyed by her unwillingness to be friendly to us and I express this to JP, eventually telling him that what I
should have done is to have said to her "sorry, just trying to be friendly."
This frightens him as I am wont to call people out for their bad behavior and he doesn't want us to be thought of as the cranky new neighbors. He was concerned that if I had said that to her that she might have mentioned it to other neighbors in a "do you know what the new people said to me" way.
I, on the other hand, could not care less what she said to who...especially since she would have to out herself as someone who couldn't bother to say a simple hello to her own neighbors. "Do you know what the new people said to me...when they smiled at me and my kids and waved hello and I completely ignored them?" She couldn't tell the story and leave that part out.
What has happened to people that it has become too hard for them to say or indicate by way of a gesture (nod, smile) a friendly greeting to a neighbor?
Coincidentally, I read
this article in the Wall Street Journal just this morning. In it, the author talks about the French expression
simple comme bonjour: simple as hello.
"...bonjour is an acknowledgement of your interlocutor, a nod to your coexistence. Omitting it isn’t just rude, it’s a refusal to see the other as an equal."
Saying hello to people you encounter isn't just good manners, it's almost your duty as a human being to acknowledge other human beings. Not doing so only acknowledges that you somehow think you are superior to those you encounter...and ignore. Obviously I am not suggesting that you run around tapping people on the shoulder to get their attention the next time you are at the grocery store just to say hello to them, but if you are anywhere and eye contact is made...than, yes, you greet that person with a hello, a smile, a nod.
It's the human - and neighborly - thing to do.
Do you know that something that simple can make a real difference to someone?
A hello is probably the easiest small kindness you can offer.
And kindness always (always always!) matters.
Further reading:
The Power Of HelloBeyond The Classroom: The Power Of Saying Hello
*Craigslist excursion: journey of varying length in which we endeavor to procure an item at a greatly reduced cost that someone else no longer wants in order to fill our home with items that we in turn will some day sell on Craigslist.
